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After a miscarriage, there are weeks of emotional and hormonal backlash in the postpartum period. Community care is vital during this period: call or text, send a gift, lead a meal train, offer to babysit, and refrain from asking why it happened.

When you have a baby, you’re given so much support and love, but often after a miscarriage, the woman hasn’t even told most of her friends she’s pregnant yet. This is very isolating.

Having a miscarriage is physically painful, and that pain can continue after you’ve actually lost the baby. Many don’t realize that postpartum hormones can continue to rage eight weeks or more after you lose a baby. This can be even worse to go through alone.

If you know a friend going through this, here are some ideas on how to support her:

Reach Out to Talk

Send a text, call her up, or just drop by her home to say hello. Ask if she wants to go for a cup of coffee out or just have a cup of tea at home. Let your friend know you’re thinking of her, and give her the chance to talk about her feelings.

Send a Gift

Send her something to let her know you’re thinking of her. This could be as simple as a card. A card makes a huge difference in making your friend feel supported and loved.

Other ideas for gifts include:

Lead a Meal Train

Being tired, depressed, and often in physical pain, it can be difficult to keep up with chores and meal prep after you’ve lost a baby. Consider bringing soup or a casserole. You could also lead a meal train and get friends and family to bring food over the next couple of weeks.

If you are local, you can use this meal train site to organize it. An option for long distance friends is to create a money pool on PayPal to send a meal prep kit or prepared food through sites like this one.

Offer to Babysit

If she already has children, offer to babysit. This doesn’t have to be elaborate. It could be for an hour so she can take a bath. To process feelings of loss, it’s beneficial to have alone time just to think. This can be hard to come by with children.

Refrain From Asking Why

Never ask a woman why she miscarried. This question is hurtful. The vast majority of the time she doesn’t know why, and doctors see no reason to investigate unless she is having repeated miscarriages.

It isn’t the woman’s fault that she lost her baby. The most common reason is a problem with the chromosomes that would make it impossible for the fetus to develop normally.

However, it often feels like her fault. Women report feeling broken after they have a miscarriage. Be gentle with her and the questions you ask. Be there and be ready to listen, but let her open up when she is ready.

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