It’s often said that women don’t realize how much power they have especially when it comes to sexual influence. We propose the position as if women are Klondike bars, it’s not a question of if you want one, it’s a question of how far will you go?
We’ve seen men trip over themselves for ladies. Spend extravagant amounts of cash just to get a girl’s attention. One particularly tragicomic Teen Vogue article reads “Teen Gets Bit by Crocodile While Trying to Impress His Crush, Doesn’t Get Girl.” Men will go a long way for love. (Or sex—however, you want to view it.)
It’s undeniable that female sexuality has a lot of power over the behaviour and emotions of men.
However, men are not helpless. It’s often not talked about, perhaps because we live in an age where male empowerment and assertiveness is frowned upon—but men have a lot of power as well.
On a visual level, women can seduce a man like no tomorrow, but when it comes to setting the tone and culture of an environment, men throughout much of history up until now held the reigns.
Women dress provocatively, get drunk, flirt, fool around, feign disinterest in long term commitment—because on every discernible level we are given signals that these are things men want to see.
Of course, what these women don’t know is deep down many men long for a stable, loving, feminine, more modest partner and really don’t see themselves settling down with anything but that. However, pop-culture and the dating trends today give ladies repeated positive reaffirmation that this hook-up culture is what you guys like. This is what you want!
It certainly doesn’t help when a low cut top and a trip home in an Uber with a man usually catches their attention and interest pretty darn quickly.
Much like the appeal of fast food or candy, it’s hard to avoid instant gratification. When it comes to sweets, at least pop-culture, government and schooling have all made the consequences of such short-sighted actions known. Obesity, diabetes, acne, fatigue, heart disease, etc.
On a relational level, no warnings are given. Both women and men are left to make short-sighted mistakes for themselves—despite the fact that STD’s, unwanted pregnancy, and broken hearts are arguably worse than a few extra pounds.
At large, millennials are completely blind to the consequences of instant-gratification culture, which can make it difficult to break out of it and find a partner who wants something deeper.
So how do we offer some warning? How do we reverse this trend?
How To Change Culture
Well if you’re reading this article, and you’re a man who does want a long term commitment. If you’re a man who is sick of hookup culture and has already figured out what pop-culture neglected to warn us about. The most altruistic and self-serving thing to do would be to offer some guidance. Lead the way!
Act in accordance with the more traditional values you want to see in a woman and be very upfront with her in what you’re looking for.
I’ve found some men are rather averse to this tactic. They see women as needing to take the reigns—certainly on a sexual level, as our biology is quite different. The risks for a man are arguably far less than for a woman when partaking in “hook-up culture”. I’m sure you’ve heard the age-old analogy:
“Well, you know, women are the chest and men are the key—if a key can open many locks it’s a pretty great key isn’t it!”
While I understand where they’re coming from, memeable “hot takes” like this often don’t translate well to real-life success. They’re a quick way to eschew responsibility to be a better person and a better partner.
Not to mention keys can’t get STDs, key’s don’t have to pay child support if they find a baby in the chest they open, keys aren’t expected to have emotional stability and exclusivity with chests.
It also doesn’t take into account that women and men are not simply objects. We have spirits and souls which can be melded, improved and minds and values which can be changed and tweaked. Perhaps we should work on being blacksmiths instead of keys or chests. Focus on helping and repairing others, or even creating something new instead of just being a tool to be used.
You, yes you MEN, have the ability to be blacksmiths instead of just “keys”. You can lead the way in social and relationship standards.
You are not a helpless victim to hook-up culture, you are not a helpless victim to “female sexuality” doomed to just desperately pursue that “Klondike bar”.
Let women know what you want, let them know what your values are.
If women Ubered home with men from the bar and were met at their door with a guy who gave them a kiss on the cheek and said “I’d like to get to know you better before doing anything”—that would blow her mind. If they were complimented on their more natural attire and choice to be the designated driver rather than mocked for not being “fun enough”, they wouldn’t be drawing straws to avoid spending a night sober.
If ladies were surrounded by men that let their values and wants be known through actions, they would respond as we always have. With trying to show you, men, that we can and want to fulfill the values you appreciate. Whether it be men or women, people, in general, tend to “chameleon” to the standards that make others like us.
Eventually when we chameleon long enough, our behavior becomes a habit—and we have a fundamental change.
If a girl likes you and you set your standards and values early, she is far more likely to try to appeal to those standards and values. Even if she didn’t have them before.
I found when I dated and, of course, when I married a man with excellent values he improved me in many aspects of my life. And vice versa. We started with honesty about what we wanted and then reinforced that behavior in each other.
Getting What You Want
Too often in dating culture today, we see that our peers make very little attempt to hold relationships to higher standards—and so we opt to do the same. If a girl or guy plays hard to get, if they don’t want to show too many “feels”, instead of being upfront and saying “listen I’m not here for games” we one-up them! We all become little chess masters in our relationships, and this only stops when one person decides to step up and say “no more.”
Both genders have a responsibility to do this. Men, pop-culture has tried to convince you that standing up for what you value, and fighting for what you want is a display of toxicity or controlling behavior. That is a lie.
Confidence and assertiveness are not inherently good or evil, they can be used for either. If you use your masculine confidence to assert what you want in a relationship, you’re doing both yourself and all the women who are interested in you a favor.
You’re not wasting yours or anyone else’s time anymore when you choose to lead the way.
Of course, there’s the chance that it doesn’t work out, that a chick thinks you’re weird for wanting to “take things slow” or only wanting to date for the prospect of marriage. In that case, well, you’ve saved yourself a lot of time. It seems she has her wants figured out and they’re not in line with yours.
Leading the Way
What you’ll do by “leading the way” is both get rid of relationship options which were not initially in line with your values—and attract those who are. If there is a girl who feels the same way about marriage, family and commitment as you—if you make your values known through words and actions, you’ll be like a shining beacon of light in a dark cave of doomed relationships she sees around her.
Not only that, but your behavior will likely influence your peers. As you manage to avoid falling down endless spirals of meaningless hookups, your friends will look to you to see what you’re doing differently. Girls will look to you to see how they should behave to find a man who is actually capable of a stable and meaningful partnership.
Our actions matter, and while it’s much easier to just play victim to the state of the world and gender relations—it’s not the only way. Men, despite the massive campaigns to disempower and emasculate you, the truth is being a leader does not mean being some “misogynistic, sexist overlord.” Masculinity, compassion, love, and leadership are far from mutually exclusive terms.
Be a leader in good values, and you’ll not only find women with good values but you’ll encourage them in others.